I’ve given a few talks recently where I’ve spoken about my career journey, and the importance of being able to pivot and make the change I wanted to see. One particular talk was at a conference where I shared a bit about a point in my life where I lost my dad and how that triggered a series of pivots in my life. I moved from New York to North Carolina — where I grew up and closer to family — and I took on a new role for an organization.
During the Q&A, I got several questions about how I processed that type of change and such a significant loss while working. How did I bounce back from it?
Something that I share often with people is that “sometimes you have to go through the struggles to get to the growth.“
The key to being able to process such a change was two-fold: I had to face the reality of what was happening — which was scary — in order to move forward and build resilience, and realize there was a light at the end of the tunnel. I also needed time.
The truth is, I never gave myself enough time to process and work through such an abrupt change in my life. My dad died suddenly and unexpectedly. Just before this happened, I had made the decision to press pause on my consultancy and accepted a new role at an agency. I was scheduled to start the week of what ended up being my dad’s funeral.
Two weeks after I buried my dad, I showed up for my first day at work. I dug in, using the new job as a way to cope with my loss. There were days when I needed to step away, to process and talk through what I was experiencing in order to face such a change.
It wasn’t easy, but fortunately, I had amazing colleagues and partners at the agency — Golin — who were extremely supportive. I’m eternally grateful for their grace and understanding. I was able to share when I needed those moments and found a community to help support me, who I could ask to lend an ear or whatever I needed.
Eventually, I moved to NC from NY so I could be closer to family, and was able to say yes to new role and the next step in my career. My sense of loss may not have completely diminished, but after a certain amount of time processing it, I could move forward. I did it with an added dose of resilience and a different perspective about my life. I realized the importance of making changes now to focus on what was important to me.
There are other types of losses that we have to take time to “mourn” and process. I speak to people and clients who have lost a job, and have been unexpectedly laid off. This too is a loss. Because we spend so much time at our jobs, it is a significant change that we have to process in order to move forward.
Some people believe they are ready to move on but they have not taken the time to realize how much this change has impacted them. They’ve lost trust in leadership, or spend time analyzing the "why." People also lose community when they lose a job because you spend so much time the people you work with every day. Without the taking time to process, you can block yourself from truly being able to move forward in a new role or with a clear mind.
You have to start somewhere
Psychologically, change is a hard thing to go through. It means stepping into the unknown and often giving up control of what’s next. For those of us who thrive with some sense of control, this can be challenging.
So instead, it’s easier not to face it and go about our usual day-to-day. Eventually, it will go away, right?
Not quite.
How many times have you put off doing something differently—perhaps deciding not to face the uncomfortable—and gotten the same results? Maybe you work on changing your environment, or look to others to instigate the change. Still nothing changes. It’s like going on vacation and coming back, and everything is the same; all the work is still there.
The sooner you commit to working through the change, the sooner you’ll see results. And once you do, you’ll come out stronger and have learned something along the way.
From struggles to growth
For those wondering how to process a change like a loss and bounce back — there is no specific one size fits all approach. Each of our journeys is different but you do have to go on that journey. You have to face what’s happening and allow yourself the time to do it.
You also have to stay true to yourself. This means understanding what you need while you’re processing and what you’ve learned once you’ve gone through it that can help you bounce back a little stronger when the next change comes along.
One thing we know is that change is constant and can be a challenge, but the resilience at the other end of it is invaluable.
For more on how to lead effectively through a change in the workplace, download my free "Leading Effectively through Change" workshop here.
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